Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
