The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
