it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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