Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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