that's an acceptable place to lick
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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