The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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