I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
