Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
