the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
