just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
fuck your aforementioned shoe
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
