if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
