I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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