Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my sisters under your porch take her home
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
