i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
