According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
