thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
