At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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