I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize