apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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