I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
