I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
