I just made out with a guy for $7.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
