He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im drinking this country out of the recession.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
