Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
