found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
