my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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