That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
