hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's the barista slut.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
