Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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