I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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