In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
