So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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