Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
