My first STD was from a foam party
Someone shit on the floor
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
