Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
