I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
