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i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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