I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The maid of honor just puked.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Alive.
So much puke
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
