I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
