About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
