I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
