i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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