SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
