it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
