if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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