Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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