Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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