"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My ass is underappreciated
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
