What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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