College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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