I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
