We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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