I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
