At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
