Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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