why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
