remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
