the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
