We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
