...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize