wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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