this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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