I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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