she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
