she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
