i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
