so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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