drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
