i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
