hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize